Poetry (Mid 1980s-Early 2000s)

Just like my short stories, these poems live between two worlds and languages. Most of them were originally written in Romanian when I was a teen and then translated by me now, trying to preserve their original rhythm. The few pieces from the early 2000s were composed in English for a writing class. At the time, I was trying to find my way back to fiction after years of writing nothing but work material. It took twenty years to fully return, but I finally did.

1987
Constatare
Zborul ciocarliei spre spare
Nu e doar dorinta pasarii
De a gasi un ideal,
Ci si o dovada a puterii ei
De a-si transforma aripile
In visuri. 

Observation (translation)
The lark’s flight toward the sun
Is not just the bird’s desire
To find an ideal,
But also proof of its power
To turn its wings
Into dreams.

Viata ca o joaca
Hai sa ne jucam de-a complicatul vietii, 
Viata cu vesnicele ei taine 
Care ne ucid.
Hai sa uitam tot ce a fost,
Un joc stupid, 
In care n-am crezut
Nici o clipa. 
Hai sa nu privim inapoi,
Chiar daca o pendula a batut
Sonor.
Si sa intelegem de ce mor,
Rand pe rand, toate clipele.
Hai sa ne jucam de-a complicatul vietii,
Si sa nu plangem daca ne descoperim
Mult mai simpli decat simplitatea ei. 

Life as a Game (translation)
Let’s play the complicating-our-life game,
Life with its eternal mysteries
That kill us.
Let’s forget everything that happened,
A stupid game
In which we did not believe
For a single moment.
Let’s not look back,
Even if a pendulum struck
Loudly.
And let’s understand why, one by one,
All the moments die.
Let’s play the complicating-our-life game,
And let’s not cry if we discover ourselves
Much simpler than its simplicity.

1989

Umilinta
Iarta-ma.
Te rog sa ma ierti ca si cand ti-as spune:
Ucide-ma.
Dar plimba-mi apoi sufletul ca pe un drapel
Si intreaba-te:
Oare am ucis-o cu adevarat?


Humiliation (translation)
Forgive me.
Please forgive me as if I were saying,
"Kill me."
But then carry my soul like a flag
And ask yourself,
"Have I truly killed her?"

Parere
Se vorbeste despre puterea cuvantului,
Dar eu cred ca, undeva, in noi,
Cuvantul n-are nici o valoare
Si ca cel mai important ramane totusi
Propriul nou glas. 

Opinion (translation)
They talk about the power of the word,
But I believe that, somewhere within us,
The word has no value
And that the most important thing remains, after all,
Our own voice.

Remuscari
Poate ca inca ma mai iubesti si acum
Si ascuns intr-un pliu al materiei
Astepti ziua cand o sa imi spui,
“Haide, uita-te la mine,
Ca sa-ti amintesti forma gurii mele,
Atunci cand ii vei face lui declaratii,
Lui, despre care tu singura spui,
Ca e atat de simplu
Incat mai bine i-ai saruta copia.”

Regrets (translation)
Maybe you still love me even now, 
And hidden in a fold of matter, 
You await the day when you’ll say to me, 
“Come on, look at me, 
So you can remember the shape of my mouth, 
When you are making declarations to him, 
To him, about whom even you say, 
That he is so simple 
You might as well kiss his copy.

Simbioza
Nu stiu cat va mai dura
Cresterea inexplicabila 
A tulpinilor de lalele in mine.
Sunt tulpini luni si verzi,
Fara petale in varf,
Doar un numar impar de tulpini,
Care cresc necontenit.
Mi-au invadat toate organele vitale,
Acum cresc prin inima,
Se indreapta spre creier,
Fara sa le pot opri.
Dar, cu siguranta, 
Cand vor atinge creierul,
Cresterea lor va inceta,
Fiindca insusi creierul
E o floare imensa,
Care va primi toate tulpinile
Intr-o singura corola. 

Symbiosis (translation)
I don’t know how much longer 
This inexplicable growth 
Of tulip stems inside me will last. 
They are long, green stems, 
Without petals at the top, 
Just an odd number of stems, 
Growing ceaselessly. 
They have invaded all my vital organs, 
Now they grow through the heart, 
Heading toward the brain, 
And I cannot stop them. 
But, surely, when they reach the brain, 
Their growth will cease, 
Because the brain itself is a huge flower, 
That will receive all the stems 
Into a single corolla.

Bacovia
Am sa il rescriu pe Bacovia
Pentru tine,
Ca sa confer o alura literara
Simplelor tale gesturi comune.
Am sa iubesc versurile lui Bacovia
Pentru mine,
Ca sa-mi dovedesc ca pot inca
Sa gasesc in lume
Si altceva frumos,
In afara de tine,
Si ca pot sa iubesc.

Bacovia (translation)
I will rewrite Bacovia
For you,
To give a literary allure
To your ordinary gestures.
I will love Bacovia’s verses
For myself,
To prove to myself that I can still
Find in the world
Something else that is beautiful,
Other than you,
And that I can love.


1980s-1990s

Strigat Fara Ecou
Am auzit strigatul, 
Strigatul care a urmat gestului, 
Si am strigat. 
Dar n-au auzit strigatul. 
Insa au comentat gestul,
Vrand sa smulga ochiului
Prima lacrima.
Am auzit strigatul,
Strigatul care a precedat cuvantul,
Si fara sa inteleg cuvantul,
Am plans. 

Cry Without an Echo (translation)
I heard the cry,
The cry that followed the gesture,
And I screamed.
But they did not hear the scream.
Yet they judged the gesture,
Trying to draw from the eye
The first tear.
I heard the cry,
The cry that came before the word,
And without understanding the word,
I cried.


Contrast
In universul ingust al camerei mele,
Lumina patrunde fara teama, 
Inunda totul,
Dar pe mine ma ocoleste, 
Izolandu-ma.
In universul ingust al camerei mele, 
Lumina e atat de puternica,
Incat ma intuneca. 

Contrast (translation)
In the narrow universe of my room,
Light enters without fear,
Flooding everything,
But it avoids me,
Isolating me.
In the narrow universe of my room,
The light is so strong,
That it darkens me.


Despre Tine
Te-am pastrat in mine, 
Fara inceput si fara sfarsit. 
Te-am pastrat in mine 
Ca sa te pot parasi cand vreau, 
Pe tine, copie a intaiului nebun de pe Pamant, 
Huiduit de lumea perfect sanatoasa, 
Cara nici atunci si nici acum 
Nu intelege in nici un chip
Nebunia ta de veacuri. 
Te-am pastrat in mine, 
Roasa de remuscari si invidie, 
Te-am pastrat. 

About You (translation)
I have kept you within me,
Without beginning and without end.
I have kept you within me
So I can leave you whenever I want,
You, a copy of the first madman on Earth,
Booed by the perfectly sane world,
Which neither then nor now
Can understand in any way
Your centuries-long madness.                                                                                                             I have kept you within me,
Consumed by remorse and envy,
I have kept you.


Esenta Pura
Esenta acestei primaveri
E chiar dorinta mea. 
Dorinta mea in primavara
E mereu vie, 
Suflet de floare,
Fara petale. 
Dorinta mea nu e parfum,
E fara culoare, e fara contur. 
Te vad prin transparenta dorintei mele, 
Prin transparenta primavarii te vad,
Fara sa te recunosc. 

Pure Essence (translation)
The essence of this spring
Is my desire.
My desire in springtime
Is always alive,
A soul of a flower,
Without petals.
My desire is not a fragrance,
It has no color, it has no shape.
I see you through the transparency of my desire,
Through the transparency of spring I see you,
Without recognizing you.

Inceput
Intrebandu-ma de ce tu,
Atat de frumos si departat
Te-ai cataract pana aici,
Langa acea clipa luminoasa, 
Unde tamplele mele zvacnesc 
In setea lor nestavilita 
De cunoastere.
Asadar, 
Intrebandu-ma ce cauti aici,
Ti-am atins parul cu buzele,
Bucuroasa ca exist inca, 
Macar prin zvacnetul sacadat
Al tamplelor mele
Care invata din nou
Sa iubeasca. 

Beginning (translation)
Asking myself why you,
So beautiful and distant,
Have climbed all the way here,
Next to that luminous moment,
Where my temples throb
In their unquenchable thirst
For knowledge.
Asking myself what you are doing here,
I press my lips to your hair,
Happy that I still exist,
If only through the rhythmic pulse
Of my temples
Learning once again
To love.

Horoscop
Lumina care dispare
Din cand in cand
Ca sa faca loc intunericului 
Apare a doua zi,
In acelasi loc, 
Si cu aceeasi intensitate
Dar pentru altcineva. 

Horoscope (translation)
The light that disappears 
From time to time 
To make room for darkness 
Appears the next day, 
In the same place, 
And with the same intensity 
But for someone else.

Estetica
Uneori Ideea patrunde in mine,
Doritoare de adevar si lumina. 
Dar trupul meu,
Acolo unde patrunde Ideea
Nu cunoaste durerea fizica
Ci doar sentimentul pur si nealterat
Al iubirii de frumos.  

Aesthetics (translation)
Sometimes the Idea comes to me,
Yearning for truth and light.
But my body,
Where the Idea enters,
Knows no physical pain,
Only the pure, unaltered feeling
Of the love of beauty. 

Analogie
In tine toate au voie 
Sa fie frumoase,
In tine gandurile au ochi
Si ochii tăi au suflet.
Dar in tine nu e nimeni
Decat gandul ca, poate,
Intr-o zi,
O sa-ti creasca,
Din gand spre ochi,
Si din ochi spre suflet,
Un sentiment si o aripa,
Ca sa poti sa iubesti
Si sa zbori,
Sau poate e totuna.
Nu stiu. 
Zboara! 


Analogy (translation)
In you, everything is allowed
To be beautiful.
In you, thoughts have eyes
And your eyes have soul.
But in you, there is no one,
Except for the thought that, perhaps,
One day,
From thought to eyes,
And from eyes to soul,
A feeling and a wing will grow,
So you can love
And fly.
Or maybe it’s all the same,
I don’t know.
Fly!

Noapte
Luna rotunda si mare,
O stea cazatoare,
Foc palpaind printre copaci,
Te intreb ceva si tu taci.
Vad fantome in stranii morminte
Si astept de la tine doar doua cuvinte
Rostite in graba cu gura inchisa.
Ma pierd intre lacrimi si amintiri,
Si simt cum alearga-ntre mii de priviri
Un suflet ramas fara umbra,
Iar noaptea imi pare-acum sumbra.
Zaresc iarasi luna… rotunda, rotunda.
Night
The moon, round and large, 
A shooting star, 
Fire flickering through the trees, 
I ask you something and you are silent.
I see ghosts in strange graves 
And I wait for just two words from you 
Said quickly with a closed mouth. 
I get lost between tears and memories, 
I feel a soul left without a shadow 
Running between thousands of gazes, 
And the night seems somber now. 
I glimpse the moon again… so round, so round.

Indirect
Citeste Bacovia
Ca sa intelegi
De ce te-am iubit
Si daca nici atunci
N-o sa-ti amintesti nimic,
Arunca-ti o privire peste prefata
Si mai gandeste-te. 
Indirect
Read Bacovia 
To understand 
Why I loved you 
And if even then 
You don’t remember anything,
Glance at the preface
And think again.

Involuntar
In noaptea de Anul Nou,
Te-a inchis intr-o cutie de abanos
Si te-am pastrat acolo intact si frumos
Inca un semestru.
Dar cand ti-am data drumul
Am vazut ca orbisei
Si pastrai in ochi inca scrumul 
Primei mele iluzii. 
Asa ca te-am luat de mana 
Si te-am plimbat o saptamana
Printre amintiri, 
Ca sa nu te miri,
Daca ma vei descoperi totusi
Printre ele. 


Involuntarily
On New Year’s Eve,
I had you locked in an ebony box
And I kept you there, intact and beautiful,
For another semester.
But when I let you go,
I saw that you had gone blind,
Yet still carried in your eyes
The ashes of my first illusion.
So I took you by the hand
And walked you for a week
Through memories,
So you wouldn’t be surprised
If you were to find me
Among them still.

Renuntare
Te-am iubit
Atat cat a durat
Zborul
Unei pasari lovite. 
Si cand pasarea s-a prabusit,
Te-am parasit
Iubindu-te
Doar prin aripile ei. 

Surrender
I loved you
Only for as long as
The flight
Of a wounded bird lasted.
And when the bird crashed,
I left you,
Loving you
Only through its wings.

Destin
Pixul pe care il vezi aici
Ti-a scris atatea randuri
Incat mi-a patruns in ganduri
Si mi le-a ferecat.
Pixul asta e acum undeva in mine
Si-ti scrie neincetat scrisori.

Destiny
The pen you see here 
Wrote you so many lines 
That it hid inside my thoughts 
And locked them away. 
This pen is now somewhere inside me 
Endlessly writing you letters.


Early 2000s Poems 

Pray 
Give me your broken smiles,
Pieces of happiness and sorrow,
Memories of a lost world,
A world where we can’t cry.

Give me your broken words,
White snowflakes in a dark night,
Beautiful wings of a dying bird,
A bird that can’t fly.

Give me your broken dreams,
Hopeless stories of love,
Strong arms of a suicidal lover,
A lover who can’t hold you.


New Year’s Eve
Bring the champagne,
Light the candles,
And kiss him.
And turn the lights off,
So you can’t see,
The broken bottle,
The melting candles,
And your lost love.


Short Flight
Let's learn how to fly,
Give me your hand-wing,
And let's jump together.
The air is fresh here,
And heaven is closer;
Maybe God can see me now,
And give me real wings,
So I can fly by myself.
Or maybe hell is closer,
And one of us will have to go.
Don't push me, 
I know how to get there.

Invisible Love
“You smell like love,”
I say, and almost kiss your lips, 
But can’t ignore the big spot of blood on your shirt,
Right where my heart touched you in our ardent hug.
I don’t feel any pain, but I smell the blood,
And I see you taking off your shirt,
Without noticing my blood.
“Let’s make the best out of these seconds of love, baby,”
You say, and I remember that we have only seconds,
Not minutes, not hours, not days.
We two have only seconds,
But, in a way, I have more…
I also have my obsessive nightmares,
Where another woman is washing your shirt,
Without noticing my blood.


False Hope
One day you will scream my name, 
When we make love with the lights off.
One day you will call me “love”
When we’re out with your friends.
One day you will miss me
When you watch the sunset from your room.
One day I will understand that 
One day you won’t…

Punishment
My soul was pushed
In this empty luggage,
Without any zippers or locks.
My soul naps in a corner,
Pretending not to pay attention
To its own claustrophobia
And my human need for feelings.
My soul resides in this empty luggage,
Without even noticing 
That it’s open. 


Hanging Around
There was a time,
There was a place,
There was a story.
My script is finished now.
Why don’t you go?

	
Selfish Game
I played with the goldfish,
But I did not see 
That it was gasping for air
In my hands.
I murdered the goldfish,
Because it refused to hear
My wishes.


Lack of Inspiration 
Spilled 
On the white marble,
Never-used ink


Beauty
A little girl’s hands,
A butterfly’s dream
Of a shelter

Dream
Cotton quilt
White, long night robe
Illusion



I think I took a writing class but I really don't remember the context. The first one had a note: "Poem based on the winter picture. It is more about the feelings awaken by the white snow, and not about the scene itself."

There is too much white today.
I don’t deserve it, 
I say
And wrap my hands around you.
Our house is the biggest one,
You add, looking down the hill.
But white is pure there.
Let’s go and touch it,
I say
And grab your hand.
Do I know you?
You don’t look at me
But you ask.
Maid comes with the food.
White damask and red wine,
That’s my answer.
Do I know you?
Tears fall, like they always do.

This is the second poem without a title from that writing class that I can't remember anything about (maybe I did not even take it), but there was a line before the poem that said "I hope this class will give me back my verse."

Late summer morning
Color same as smell,
Breathe in, breathe out,
Better than my Givenchy,
This is.
I step on it,
With small, quiet steps,
In a church of life I am.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Old Spanish man 
Cutting and smiling, 
Life is simple after all.
Breathe in, breathe out. 
Pain not so sharp anymore,
Just old and vain,
All forgotten.
Color same as smell,
Late summer morning,
Welcome, fresh veil of my earth,
Cut, cut, breathe, breathe,
While I fall asleep on you.

I assume there were some requirements for this particular poem in class since it rhymes and has certain words that I would not normally use. 

Revelation 
I struck the board, and cried, 'No more!
There’s life outside and there is war.
Opened the window to the world,
My straight, long hair suddenly curled.
There’s war and love and so much pain
My neck is white under the heavy chain.
A window to the world I am,
I smile, I breathe and cut the chain.